* In an effort to encourage my writing, I will be adding shorter posts from time to time. This is one of them.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver recently did an episode on televangelists:
I'm certainly not denying scriptures like Luke 6:38, but those
scriptures can be abused when taken out of context of the larger gospel. When
you give only to get you will not reap -- that's greed, AKA the love of
money (which is the root of all evil, 1 Timothy 6:10).
This is what I love about the Sacred Romance -- your *heart*
in the matter makes the difference, not just what you *do* (Matthew 6:1-2,5,
15:8).
Money is one of the places where Christianity shines, I think. The world says, "Chase money. Money is your security." God says, "Chase Me; I'm your security." The point, I think, is not to be obsessed about money. I don't really think about money that much. I think about being productive, being fruitful, being a man, working hard -- and trusting God to take care of us. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said, "Don't worry about money. Focus on God and His way of doing things, and He will take care of you." (Matthew 6:19-20, 24-34) How we look at that -- what we believe about that -- changes everything. ~ John Eldredge
Although I don't believe that God *wants* people to be poor ("you can't *help* the poor if you *are* the poor"), saying God wants you to be rich isn't exactly right, either
The difference?
Followers of God focus on others; the rich focus on
themselves (by buying “parsonages” for $6,500,000).
I've had the same Verizon Wireless monthly plan for over 4 years:
450 minutes
unlimited text
2 GB of data
I use autopayment, so there's no real need to look at my bill.
And I never really use all of it, so there was no reason to change.
Until I accidentally downloaded 1.5 GB's of music with the Amazon Music app (their user interface is awful!).
In a panic, I called Verizon to see what my options were.
I could pay $10/GB over, or I could change to a 3 GB plan that would cover my data-download anomaly.
I anxiously changed plans with the hope that my old plan would be there when the billing cycle was over.
And yes, the old plan was there.
But my heart sank when I realized that the grandfathered $20/month discount was gone.
I 've spent a couple years wondering why people left Verizon for carriers with lower bills; I consistently paid under $70, so I wasn't really complaining.
However, for the duration of my 2-year plan, losing the irrecoverable $20/month discount will cost me $340.
All because I made a hasty, rash decision without being familiar with my bill and the details therein.
Conclusion:
Read the fine print.
Go over your bills every month, even if it's just to maintain (2 Peter 1:12) knowledge of what the charges and credits are.
And verify the consequences of your financial choices before you make them.
But this isn't the only hasty decision I've made that will cost me a couple hundred dollars:
An incident recently occurred whereby I could've saved over $800.
However, in the midst of the moment, I was so overcome with shame -- I thought the incident was my fault -- that I didn't do anything about it.
DEAR ABBY: My question is very simple, Abby. Who determines right or wrong in your life, your opinions, your column? This will tell me all I need to know about your wisdom or advice. -- RON IN MICHIGAN
DEAR RON: Actually, I think your question is anything but "simple," and the answer is: I do.
Let me first say that I can empathize with the sentiment expressed by Ron: you want to know the information you're getting is legit, especially when you're dealing with morality. Even in our post-modern, relativistic society, I think we can all agree that not all moralities are equal: Adolf Hitler's morality will never be equal to Mahatma Gandhi's morality.
I deliberately chose 2 non-Christians to prove a point.
As a follower of Jesus, there are certain things that I readily acknowledge, among them being the existence of moral absolutes:
There are things in this world that are simply wrong. The reason we know that they're wrong is because of our conscience:
Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. ~ Romans 2:14-15
However, our conscience can become "seared" or numbed to right and wrong:
Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead (read: seared). ~ 1 Timothy 4:1-2
Those verses are referring to those within Christianity, but those outside the church can have the same "searing" of their consciences that will fail to convict them of right and wrong.
So back to "Ron."
I understand that he wants to make sure that what he's reading is morally sound.
I really do.
However, having read Dear Abby for over a decade, I can say that, although the advice she offers is not always biblically sound, she has a lot of knowledge about etiquette and manners to offer. (This can be especially important if you're in a situation that calls for a particular set of cultural customs to be followed.) There have been occasions where Abby has offered advice that I don't agree with, sure. I'm grateful for realizing those times because it reminds me of what I believe (because I look to her for advice, not truth). However, there have been times where she has mentioned something that I wouldn't have thought of that has changed my way of thinking.
"Eat the meat and throw away the bones," as the saying goes.
I'm not saying you should deliberately eat "bones." Not by a long shot.
But I also know that interacting with people that have different beliefs that I do can strengthen my beliefs because I remind myself of what is absolutely true. It forces me to think about what I believe and why.
As to Ron's attitude, I've seen it before in those in my life, as well as in myself.
As I've previously written, I've allowed God to open up my mind to teach me from those I would've otherwise dismissed.
But I've heard others mention that there are entire groups of people that they refuse to open up to because they don't want to "taint" their beliefs. This has the effect as coming across as arrogant and prideful, and communicates the attitude, "Those people have nothing to teach me."
At its best, it's a refusal to listen to people's experience; at its worst, it's a refusal to open up fully to God and allow him to lead you wherever, whenever, to whomever.
And I know for a fact that some of those authors who have opened my eyes to new ways of looking at the world -- even non-Christians -- would have a profound effect on how these other people perceive their life if they would but open their eyes and ears.
But I also recognize that not everyone is called to everything. My favorite author, John Eldredge, apparently enjoys reading Dallas Willard (Eldredge has referenced several of Willard's books). Personally, I can't stand reading Willard because I find him to be too dry. That is, however, my personal opinion and something I had discover through personal experience; if you enjoy reading him, then go for it.
However, too often people avoid/dismiss others based on prejudice and stereotypes, not on personal experience (or, much less, following the Holy Spirit).
All this to say that you must take care when espousing viewpoints of absolutism. I mean, you don't want to come across as a Sith lord:
This doesn't mean that we shouldn't believe in absolute truth, because truth is absolutely necessary to keep your bearings in a world so adrift when it comes to morality and evil:
But humility and compassion are "absolute" musts; "the greatest of these is love," as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:13. Without following the greatest commandment to love God with every fiber of our being and to show his fervent love to ourselves and our neighbors, the followers of Christ will represent him as judging and austere (I'm pointing fingers at you, Westboro Baptist Church!).
Contrast that with this:
"Do you think that I like to see wicked people die?" says the Sovereign Lord. "Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live." ~ Ezekiel 18:23
So all that to get to this:
If you're going to turn down something, manners matter! "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
Learning to be a loving person is the loftiest goal anyone can aspire to:
To be unloving is to fail at the very thing we were created for. It is a rejection of the essence of our existence, a rejection of the Love that made us... I think you can fairly easily sort out the people who have come to this epiphany from those who have not. There is something different about their approach to life -- what upsets them, what makes them laugh, and especially the way they handle people. ~ Love & War, "Learning to Love"
There are some who would seek to dismiss love as an inefficient limitation, as if a bird had chosen to remind grounded and give up their aeronautical ways.
As The Shack notes,
"Love is not the limitation; love is the flying."
This does not mean that you can't tell others that they're wrong; Jesus walked perfectly in love and let the Pharisees have it, for sure -- but his ire was usually directed toward the overly-religious, not those outside the church or honestly seeking God.
Love can be fierce as well as tender. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you when each is needed (Luke 12:12).
Dedicate yourself to God, ask him to love you, and you will become a more loving person who will handle others with care.
There's simply too much brokenness in this world to not pursue love above all else.
So my church is going through this series called “Conquer.”
It’s about sexual bondage, and it’s really good. Yesterday was session 4 (out
of 5).
One of the things that struck me during the video was this
statement:
A man without a
future will always go back to his past.
I can’t even begin to count how many times that has been me,
going back because of unresolved issues in my past. As the saying goes,
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly.
(Proverbs 26:11)
It also brings to mind another profound quote:
A man with nothing to
die for has even less for which to live.
(Doing some perusal on the internet, this quote is closely
related to some similar statements made by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., but
that’s off-topic.)
(In other words, to what
are you so sold out that you would be willing to die for it? As the short film, Ticker, puts it, “What would
you fall on your sword for?”)
During the group time afterward, I mentioned that I heard a
podcast or teaching where God asked this man what he was looking forward to in
life -- and that I don’t really have anything that I’m looking forward to.
Someone mentioned that they have always had a dream of owning
a small ranch with an orchard (he lives in the suburbs).
This is a middle-aged man who has a family, so it’s not like
he can just up and move.
But it got me thinking about someone who has dreams that go
unfulfilled in this life: they aren’t as attached to their present reality.
To use this man as an example: because he has dreams that’s
he’s looking forward to (owning a ranch), he’s not overly attached to his present
reality (living in the suburbs) -- because it’s not what, deep down in his
heart, he truly wants.
I also thought it was quite timely that the Ransomed Heart
Daily Reading for that day was “Risk Dreaming.”
Even though the passage is from a book targeted at young women, some of the
concepts spoke to me:
I encourage you to risk dreaming
and writing your dreams down. Once you get started, you’ll find there are
things you want. And if you can’t get started, another approach is simply to
begin listing the things you like. What do you like? From the fragrance of
lilacs to a comforter before a fire to laughing with friends, it’s nourishing
simply to become aware of what you enjoy and to write it down.
It’s good to sit with God in the
quiet and ask him, What do I want? And ask him, What
do you want for me?(One
of the things I was advised to do after sharing that I don’t really have any
dreams of my own was to ask God for some. I re-shaped that into asking God for
the dreams that he has for me. You can see how the meeting and this daily
reading are lining up in my life.)
Awakening and owning the dreams
that God has placed in our hearts isn’t about getting stuff or attaining
something. It’s about embracing who we are and who he has created us to be.
In him. He is our dream come true and the one true love of our life. But we
can’t love him with our whole hearts when our hearts are asleep. To love Jesus
means to risk coming awake, to risk wanting and desiring.
This is easily extrapolated into eternity because someone
who is eternally minded will not be overly attached to their possessions in
this life. This is because they know that everything will pass away, and that something
better that they will never lose is also on the horizon.
As the missionary Jim Elliot said -- who was killed by the
very people he was evangelizing --
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot
lose.
As followers of Christ, we’re called to renew our minds with
this mindset, anyway:
If in this life only we have
hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable. (1 Corinthians 15:19)
The fact that if we believed that the only hope in Christ
that we have would be in this life makes us pitiable leads me to believe that we
should also have hope in the next life.
Why?
Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor
[has it] entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for
those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)
The reason we should hope in the next life is because we can’t
even begin to imagine what God has in store for us:
Now I saw a new heaven and a new Earth,
for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no
more sea. (Revelation 21:1)
A new heaven and a new Earth.
That bit about there being no more sea?
The reason we have so much water covering the Earth is
because of the Flood -- which was a judgment of man similar to what Peter prophesies
that is in store for the end of the world:
For this [the world] willfully [forgets],
that by the word of God the heavens were [created], and the Earth standing out
of water and in the water, by which the world that then existed perished,
being flooded with water. But the heavens and the Earth which are now preserved by the
same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of
ungodly men. (2 Peter 3:5-7)
Because the world will be burned, God must restore it
(Revelation 21:1).
BUT WHAT ABOUT
THIS LIFE?
That’s all find and dandy, hoping in the life to come. It’s
easier said than done, that’s for sure.
But how do we apply it?
Therefore gird up the loins of
your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to
be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:13)
“Gird up the loins of your mind”? Here’s a great explanation
from Art
of Manliness:
Back in the days of the ancient
Near East, both men and women wore flowing tunics. Around the tunic, they’d
wear a belt or girdle. While tunics were comfortable and breezy, the hem of
the tunic would often get in the way when a man was fighting or performing hard
labor. So when ancient Hebrew men had to battle the Philistines, the men
would lift the hem of their tunic up and tuck it into their girdle or tie it in
a knot to keep it off the ground. The effect basically created a pair of shorts
that provided more freedom of movement. Thus to tell someone to “gird up
their loins” was to tell them to get ready for hard work or battle.
To gird up the loins of your mind is to prepare to think
differently about how you approach life -- because let’s face it, life is hard:
“I have told you all this so that
you may have peace (of mind) in me (because of the hope you have). Here on Earth,
you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have
overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“But take heart…”
In order words: Hold on to hope. It's going to be a battle, and it's going to be hard, but it's possible.
TRIALS AND
SORROWS
Therefore, since we have been
made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God
because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our
faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we
now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s
glory. (Romans 5:1-2)
The first thing that should give us peace of mind is that we
have been made right with God through Jesus Christ. This leads us to the hope
of sharing an unending life with him after this present age passes away.
I recall hearing about a woman in Asia who ministers to
women caught up in sex trafficking. Unfortunately, she’s not able to rescue
them from their circumstances because they will be hunted down and murdered.
Because of this, she can’t use the “Jesus has a plan for your life” model that
is so prevalent in Western church culture.
This requires her to present the gospel in light of its full
context: that this world was created perfectly, man fell, and that God will
restore all things in due time.
The gospel she
presents does not focus on this life, but on the life to come.
Which leads me to the next part of Romans 5:
We can rejoice, too, when we run
into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.And
endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens
our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to
disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has
given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:3-5)
Let’s work backwards from this one:
God has given us the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). The Holy
Spirit fills our hearts with the love that God has for us (Romans 5:5).
Knowing that God
loves you will bring more peace and hope than you can imagine.
God’s love gives us the ability to bear our problems and
trials well; this develops longsuffering (“having or showing patience in spite
of troubles, especially those caused by other people”). Longsuffering enables endurance,
and is part of the “strength of character” that develops within us. His love
will also sustain us, which is the hope that will not disappoint.
HAGAR
This is how Hagar was able to go back to serve Sarai (she
wasn’t “Sarah” at this point). You see, Sarai wasn’t able to have children, so
she gave her servant girl, Hagar, to her husband, Abram, so that they could
have children that way (Genesis 16:1-3). But when Hagar became pregnant from
Abram, she treated her mistress with contempt, and so Sarai mistreated her to
the point where she finally ran away (Genesis 16:4-6).
As she was running away, an angel found her and told her
that she was to return to serving her mistress. However, he also let her know
that her cries of distress had been heard by God, and that she was to name her
son “Ishmael,” which means “God hears” (Genesis 16:9, 11). Her son -- who was
given to her by a man who slept with her, likely against her will -- was to be
a continual reminder that God heard her cries.
Thereafter, Hagar used another name
to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God
who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13)
Despite the fact that she returned to serving the man who forced
himself on her and the woman who hated her, she had peace from God to endure
her “trials and sorrows” (John 16:33).
BUT WHAT IF
YOU CAN’T SEE IT?
It’s most certainly easier to hold on to hope if God is
moving in your heart and the Holy Spirit is speaking love to you.
But what about those times when you’re dry? The times that
you’re in the desert and feeling alone?
God has already planned for those times:
For whatever things were written
before were written for our learning, that we, through the patience and
comfort of the Scriptures, might have hope. (Romans 15:4)
“…patience and comfort of the scriptures”?
There will most certainly be times in life when you’re in a
fog or your head is spinning from the difficulty of your circumstances. Your
subjective reality is murky and you’re having trouble seeing clearly (or at
all).
This is why the scriptures are so important: they ground us
in an objective truth that we’re not able to see at all times, to remind us of
a deeper reality beyond what we’re currently experiencing.
Knowing this, we are able to patiently endure our “trials
and sorrows”:
For we were saved in this hope, but
hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But
if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
(Romans 8:24-25)
This is why it’s so important to allow the Holy Spirit to
pour out God’s love for you in your heart, because love “bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1
Corinthians 13:7).
This is also why Paul urges us to “rejoice in our confident
hope; be patient in trouble, and keep on praying,” that “the God of hope (would)
fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by
the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 12:12, 15:13).
WRAPPING IT UP
What I “hope” you are seeing at this point is:
in this world, you will have trials and sorrows (John
16:33),
which means that we need to “gird up the loins of our mind”
and change how we think and approach our life (1 Peter 1:13);
that the Holy Spirit pours out God’s love to us (Romans
5:5),
that this love gives us the ability to patiently endure “trials
and sorrows” (Romans 15:13),
that this patient endurance develops character in us (Romans
5:3),
that the development of character strengthens our hope
(Romans 5:4),
that, even during times when we don’t feel God’s presence,
we can re-ground ourselves in the truth of the scriptures (Romans 15:4),
that God will make a new heaven and Earth that we can’t even
begin to imagine how good it will be (Revelation 21:1, 1 Corinthians 2:9),
that we can hold on to the hope that God will make all
things right because we are in right standing with him (Romans 5:1-2),
that those who approach God believe he exists and that he
gives generously to those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6, James 1:5).
If this speaks to you, some other resources I would
encourage you to check out Sacred Romance and/or Desire by John Eldredge (you can also download & listen to the Sacred Romance & Desire conference sessions). There are a couple series of podcasts from Ransomed Heart as well (downloadable from MediaFire):
And don't forget to ask God what he has in store for you. It may be more than you could ask or imagine.
“This is my command -- be strong and courageous! Do not be
afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.
Here on Earth, you will have many
trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
(Joshua 1:9, John 16:33)
For anyone who doesn't know, I attend Celebrate Recovery meetings. A guy came in last week for the first time and bared his soul to a room of strangers.
I was blown away by his humility.
First, it takes humbling yourself to even show up; then it's another thing entirely to open up and speak those things which you secretly wish no one would ever find out.
It takes incredible humility to come to terms with and admit that you're terribly broken.
This thought crossed my mind that night:
Transparency, vulnerability, and surrender are among the most humble of actions available to the human heart.
You can't be transparent without being vulnerable:
I didn't upload the video, but it is, by far, one of my favorite movie scenes of all time: there is a part of me that would love to do what Stu does, to come clean and admit all my wrongs, to be completely transparent, to stop hiding.
But I'm not sure people will like what's underneath, and I desperately want to be accepted of them.
Having pastors tell you from the pulpit that they don't have any tolerance for those who struggle doesn't exactly help, either.
But back to humility: you can't surrender without making yourself vulnerable, either.
Jesus certainly modeled this when he humbled himself and was surrendered to his Father's will, to die on a cross (Luke 22:42, Philippians 2:8).
I also realized during this meeting that if I could've healed myself, I would've already.
But my wounds are beyond my skill to heal (if I even have any).
And because I'm wounded, I act in ways that hurt others. As the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people."
This doesn't make me a jerk; it just means that I'm broken.
In my mind, I know that what's required is to humble myself and surrender to God, allow myself to be vulnerable and to let him in, to allow his love to transform me from the inside, out.
In my heart, it's another story. Oh, how many things there are to vie for our attention these days...
My heart has made agreements with where it believes it will find life, and so it goes looking for what it believes is "life" in things that aren't healthy (Proverbs 14:12, anyone?).
I know that my mind can keep my heart in check...
...but given a choice between chocolate and vegetables, in the moment I choose chocolate, but 20 minutes later when I'm sick to my stomach, I'll wish that I had chosen the veggies.
To quote C.S. Lewis,
The heart never takes the place of the [mind]: but it can, and should, obey it.
Even though we're emotional creatures, we have the ability to be rational as well; we just have to separate ourselves from our emotions in the moment. Not always -- or ever -- an easy thing to do, but we become the men/women that we want through the choosing in the little moments.
So here's to choosing God when it matters: when our hearts desperately need him, even though we may, in the moment, want something else more than him...
So for anyone who doesn’t know, I made a bet with one of my science classes one year that if 70% of the students in the class scored a 70% or better on their end-of-the-year test, then I would:
grow out my hair for the rest of the school year (which would be something like 5-6 weeks and a big deal for me since I tend to buzz it almost every other week), and
dye it a color of their choice during the last week of school.
Long-story-short, they missed the percentage by one person, but I went ahead and did it anyway; purple won the vote by a landslide, and this is the shade I chose:
The icing on the cake was that one of the students suggested that I grow my facial hair out, too, so I did; I didn’t shave for over a month (the longest ever for me by far).
On the night after the last day of school, my hair had been dyed for about a week. Suddenly, no longer being bound by my agreement with my students, the prospect of having the freedom to cut my hair was upon me.
To be honest, I enjoyed it.
No, not the fifty billion times I’ve been asked, “Why is your hair blue?” (Unfortunately, it came out more of an indigo color.):
No, not that. Rather, it’s the act of having done something completely different with my (otherwise) unassuming appearance.
I know; I’m boring. Well, at least at first glance...
But one of the things that I like about my plain manner of dress is precisely that it’s not outwardly appealing. I mean, I’d be more likely to blend in with the crowd as opposed to stand out – that is, unless my freshly shaved head happens to catch someone’s eye. (Bald is beautiful! Haha, just kidding.)
And I like it that way.
First, it’s low maintenance. Throwing on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers – without having to worry about my hair – is incredibly pragmatic. The only thing more utilitarian would be to pull an Einstein and wear the same clothes every day (or at least identical sets of the same clothes lol).
Second, it’s plain. The fact that my appearance doesn’t really stand out allows what’s truly important about me to shine through: my heart, my mind, my personality, and my character. You know, all those intangible qualities that you can’t measure with a dollar sign because, like the MasterCard commercials reiterate all the time, they’re “priceless”:
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within... which is so precious to God. (1 Peter 3:3-4)
The above verse deals with jewelry and the outward appearances regarding styled hair, jewelry, and clothes, but it doesn’t say that those things, in-and-of-themselves, are wrong. It just means that those things won’t be good for winning the hearts of others (see 1 Peter 3:1).
CONNECTION vs. SHALLOWNESS, and APPRECIATION vs. DISMISSAL
Being in a school and working with kids also gives me an outsider’s perspective on how we treat each other when we’re younger – and, for a large part, this is based heavily on appearance.
Quick side note: some kids don’t grow out of this as they “grow up,” so this can go for adults as well:
Alright, I’ll just go ahead and put it out there:
Some kids are so unbelievably shallow that it’s disgusting.
I thought about saying “appalling” instead of “disgusting,” but I’d rather not mince words.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t go for all of them, because there are a lot great kids, too.
However, some don’t really care about anything beneath the surface, and your value in their eyes is largely determined by brand-name shirts and shoes, hemp necklaces, hats with stickers, mp3 players, cell phones, and how very much like them you happen to be. This occurs across socio-economic, gender, and racical lines.
Part of me wonders if it’s because they don’t have anything better to do...
But even the kids who are good fall into the “conformity trap” sometimes:
One of the things that I’ve realized – and, to be honest, it took some adults like this for me to realize it – is that people who are shallow enjoy life less.
Let me explain.
For the people who judge – and dismiss – each other based mainly on the exterior (or the trivial), they never get a chance to know someone for who they really are.
Okay, so someone doesn’t wear a particular brand of clothing, or they don’t wear it a certain way. Really, though, that’s “small potatoes” – or, more accurately, onions – because most people have multiple “layers” that they gradually unfold and let others into. As the depth of the friendship increases, so does the strength of the connection between the hearts of those involved, and the only way to discover the treasure of others’ hearts is to give it a shot and let them in:
Let me say something real quick here: Never, never, never underestimate the power of enjoying the “little things” with someone.
Those little things that, in your eyes, don’t really mean a whole lot, may be just enough for someone else to build a bridge between the two of you over which they feel comfortable enough to cross and open up to you:
Ken used to be the IT guy at the school where I teach. When he would come by to work on my computer, I would make a point to talk to him instead of doing something else while waiting for him to finish.
One day he came up to me and asked where I lived; it turns out that he needed a ride home. My commute is about 40 minutes, so it’s not a short distance, which means that providing a ride home for him would be a significant commitment.
Did I mention that he said he wasn’t leaving until 5pm? I had to be at work around 7, so that made it a 10-hour day for me.
I’d also be willing to bet that I was the first person he asked simply because I was intentional about making a connection with him.
Now, I’m not sharing the story to brag; in fact, I don’t really want to share it because I don’t want to seem like I’m toting how great I am (I’m not).
I’m sharing this because it’s a great example of what it looks like for someone to feel comfortable enough with you to “cross the bridge” and be vulnerable enough to ask for help.
ENJOYMENT
But if you don’t appreciate people for who they really are, it prevents you from enjoying all (or even some) that they may have to offer. And even if they don’t offer to unburden the depths of their soul to you, lots will still offer more than only the surface-layer stuff when they feel truly accepted and loved.
There’s nothing quite like having people who just get you in your life, who appreciate you for being you:
If you want a more grown-up version of this, just look at the theme song from Cheers:
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came(i.e., they appreciate you being there)
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name
In other words, people enjoy being valued for who they are, and they’ll naturally gravitate toward a person/group where they feel the most acceptance. I mean, why would you stay where you’re tolerated when you can go to where you’re celebrated?
So when I realized this about the adults I was hanging out with, instead of judging them for their unaccepting disposition (which, I will admit, not judging others is a work in progress for me), I felt sorry for them. Especially because they won’t be able to enjoy the full uniqueness of others because they see peculiarities as quirks/blemishes instead of the “good stuff” that makes each and every one of us unique:
I mean, even people who have the exact same personality are completely unique. I can say this for certain because I’ve met several sets of what I refer to as “personality twins” who have practically identical mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.:
My high school psychology teacher was most certainly a character, and he was extraordinarily loved by his students because of it. However, the extroverted timeshare salesman who strongly reminded me of him just wasn’t quite the same because he was unique in his own right.
The guy from a church I used to go to still had a separate identity for all the life experiences and quirks that made him him, even though he had the same personality and laugh as one of my college roommates who commissioned into the military.
And the parent of a student who instantly reminded me of my brother-in-law in how he spoke and interacted with others, although similar, was, at the same time, completely different from him.
As a friend of mine – and this is someone that I used to tease all the time for being “high maintenance” – once said:
“Yes, but to love me is to love everything about me – even those things you see as my little quirks.”
To quote one of the girls in the youth group at my church:
Why do we try so hard to be perfect when the people who think we are perfect love us because we aren’t perfect? (Thanks, Monica!)
“People call these things ‘imperfections,’ but they’re not. Oh, that’s the good stuff.”
SO WHERE AM I GOING WITH ALL THIS?
When I thought about how I was now free to cut my hair as I wished, a thought – you could say it was a temptation – crossed my mind. It was something along the lines of...
If I cut my purple hair, then what will I have that will make me unique?
And for a second, I considered keeping it:
Don’t’ get me wrong, because cutting it was always a sure thing; it was just a matter of time (though a little longer than 0.68 seconds lol). This is mainly because I like how not having any hair feels and I wouldn’t (regularly) go to the trouble of coloring it like that.
For one thing, it’s a refusal to live by the appearances-are-the-most-important-thing mentality that so many people choose to embrace. And in that sense, I’ll “drive” myself, thank-you-very-much:
Esse Quam Videri, as the saying goes:
To be, rather than to appear.
But no, not just that. Anything that you make room for in your life has the potential to make a place for itself in your heart.
I remember a few years ago when, ironically, I had grown my hair out and actually maintained it at a length where I had to go get the first haircut I’d had in over a decade in order to keep it long enough to style.
During spring break, I went to visit my alma mater and scheduled a time to meet with the chaplain who had mentored me during college. During our conversation, he spontaneously placed his hands on my head to pray for me.
You know what the first thing that ran through my mind was?
“No, he didn’t just put his hands on my hair!”
And I knew right then that it had to go.
As Henry David Thoreau said,
Men have become 'tools' of their tools.
Or, to put it another way, “The things you ‘own’ end up ‘owning’ you”:
Don’t get me wrong: I’ll be the first to admit that I look better with hair – especially if it’s spiked a bit. However, I know that the true “gold” of me lies beneath the surface, not from whatever appearance I may or may not have at the moment, and this simply forces those around me to look deeper for what is truly important.
Which reminds me of a conversation I had with a cashier at Target:
I was standing in line behind a woman who was talking to the cashier while having her items rung up. During the conversation, the cashier mentioned that she had bought a pair of jeans that cost $135, and would spend almost $80 on only a few items of makeup.
Trying to speak something positive to her heart, I commented that “real beauty is on the inside,” which she (unfortunately) dismissed. She essentially said that, because she’s “anti-social,” she must present an outer beauty, “otherwise how will anyone know that I’m beautiful?”
You see, she wasn’t secure in the beauty that was in her heart, and so she felt compelled to present her “made up” outward beauty as a substitute.
It wasn’t enough for her to be beautiful simply for the sake of being beautiful as God created her; she felt compelled to go looking for validation of her (outer/false) beauty from others.
Politicians know that lots of people judge based on looks, which is why they focus so heavily on their appearance:
That saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? That’s because lots of people do judge books (and others) based primarily on their covers/appearance.
Am I saying it’s wrong to be beautiful/handsome on the outside? Absolutely not.
Is it acceptable to have a sharp manner of dress?
Absolutely.
Just don’t become attached to it:
It's when those ravishing good looks (or style of clothing) are used as a substitute for who you were originally created to be, then they become false because they are not the truest thing about you – but more on that in Part 2...
Imagine a man whose brother has kidnapped and killed his wife on their honeymoon. He can rescue and resurrect his wife, but only if he lays his own life down at his brother’s murderous hands. And as much as he wants his brother to repent, he also knows that, by laying down his life, he not only saves his wife, but secures the means by which his brother will be judged.
Now imagine that, once his wife comes back to life, she no longer wants him. She would rather be with her kidnapper, the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome you ever came across — to the point that it wasn’t just his brother’s desire that he died, but hers as well.
Imagine his heartbreak for the wife who no longer wants him.
Imagine the heartbreak because of the brother who betrayed him by kidnapping & murdering his wife.
Imagine the fierce intention he would exhibit in pursuing them to rescue her, knowing he could bring her back and turn her heart towards him again.
Jesus is the husband.
Satan is represented by the brother.
We are the wife.
Satan is not equal with God, but he was given a place closer to Him than any other created being — and then betrayed Him, and turned us against Him as well.
We can turn back to our original Lover, but only if we allow Him into our hearts to release our focus from this world to Him.
If we choose not to, not only do we pass up the greatest source of Love in existence — one that would readily lay down His life for us — but we also secure ourselves a place with the “brother” at the coming judgment for our betrayal.
"For my people have committed two evils: (1) they have forsaken me, the Fountain of Living Waters, and (2) they have carved out cisterns; broken cisterns, that can hold no water." (Jeremiah 2:13)
You may not have knowingly chosen against or betrayed God, but ignorance does not not excuse your choices.
Now that you know, what will you do with that knowledge?
I don’t know where you are in your walk with God, but I hope
that this can help, regardless of whatever “chair”
you may be in.
* I put “chair” in quotes as if to use it loosely or
sarcastically; to (attempt to) quantify the spiritual life as only fitting in 3
stages is to think analytically, not poetically (more on that later).
When I became a Christian, there was a profound change in my
heart, and one of the things that I set out to do was to be eternally available
to anyone who needed my help for any reason.
Basically, I set out to be the nicest guy someone could
meet.
But that’s not what Jesus is about.
I mean, he came to send swords, for crying out loud (Matthew
10:34).
And he set out to accomplish much more than that in his time
here on Earth. He came to fulfill the law
and restore what was lost (Matthew
5:17, Luke 19:10).
What a lot of people don’t understand, however, is that the
“fulfilling of the law” is not accomplished in following rules, but inside of your
heart.
When Jesus stepped on the scene, the Pharisees – the
religious leaders – were teaching people left and right that in order to
accomplish one’s salvation – that the whole point of their religion – was to do these things and not do those things.
Pathetic.
Jesus comes and, in the Sermon on the Mount, lays out the
profound depth of the intent of the
law:
It’s not just committing adultery if you sleep
with someone, but looking at them with lust (Matthew 5:27-28).
Killing is not just taking a life, but hatred
without cause (Matthew 5:21-22).
“Loving your neighbor” is not just those you get
along with, but even those who hate your guts (Matthew 5:43-44).
It’s so easy to get sucked in to rule-keeping and following
a list of do’s and don’ts.
This is what almost happened to me as a young believer in
college.
Then something happened that changed my life just as much –
if not more – than when I became a Christian, and that had to do with how I viewed my faith.
In the summer of 2003, I read a book that irreversibly
impacted me. That book was Wild at Heart
by John Eldredge.
What I realized is that a lot of what the church tries to do
is get guys to do the right thing.
And it bores us to death.
Don’t get me wrong, because doing the right thing is good.
But doing the right
thing only because it’s the right
thing goes back to the rule-keeping that Jesus came to free us from.
Religious people are especially bad at missing this
distinction, because Christianity is So. Much. More. than a list of do’s and
don’ts.
I mean, for crying out loud, we have the opportunity to know
the Man who created the world and everything in it – Jesus!
But alas, there is another terrible misconception regarding
our “relationship” with him.
Most people focus on the aspect of Jesus being “Lord.”
Person pet peeve: I hate when people refer to the Father or
Son as “the Lord.” It just seems so impersonal...
No offense if you do this lol.
But anyway, although this is true, at the same time, it’s
not.
This is the difference between the poetic and the
analytical.
For hundreds of years, cultures knew the value of the poetic
and spoke in terms that the heart could understand, but this has been lost in
the last few hundred years with the Enlightenment and the Modern Era, with
their emphasis on knowledge, pragmatism, and seeing religion as a functional means
to enact change instead of a path to lead people to their Creator.
Let me explain:
The analytica deals in terms of breaking things down to get
a good look at their parts – looking at the tress, but not seeing the forest. You
could say that they miss the big
picture because of this...
When asked what a kiss entails, someone dealing in the
analytical would say that, technically, it’s two sets of the fleshy parts
forming the margins of the mouth pressing together for a duration of time, with
the possible exchange of digestive fluid and the touching of the tasting
organs.
Now, technically,
that’s correct.
But it strips the life
out of the thing it just analyzed.
Solomon – who was the wisest man who ever lived (1 Kings
3:12) – put it much better when he described the woman he was in love with and
what it was like to kiss her:
“Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride;
Milk and honey are
under your tongue.”
(Song 4:11)
So much of the church deals in the analytical that we have
forgotten how to speak to what really moves us: the poetic language of the heart.
Jesus does this with those he relates to:
As the disciples walking down the Emmaus road told of their experience
with him, their hearts burned within them
as he expounded on the prophecies about himself.
Freaking prophecies!
Academic information can be dry to say the least; I had to read a purely academic book during my senior year in college, and I trudged my way through another one just after college.
But when Jesus spoke about prophecies with these 2 men, their hearts burned because of
the One who spoke to them – even though he was veiled and they didn’t recognize
who he truly was (Luke 24:15, 27, 30-32).
This is because the words of the true Jesus are empowered by
“spirit and life” (John 6:63, 68).
You could almost extend that and say that anytime your heart
burns when someone is speaking to you (or as you are reading something), that it’s
Jesus speaking through them – even if
you don’t recognize him...
The whole point that I’m trying to get at here is that there is more.
There is more to Christianity and this whole “God” thing than
what most of the church teaches.
Let’s go back to the relationship piece and take a look at
how the church misses the point.
It’s been said that “Christianity is a relationship, not a
religion.”
Which, technically,
is true.
But there are different ways that we relate to God within
different seasons of our life, part of which depends on the condition of our
hearts.
The lower levels consist of relating as:
Clay to a Potter (Jeremiah 18:6)
Sheep to a Shepherd (John 10:11)
Vines to a Branch (John 15:5)
Slaves to a Master (Matthew 25:21)
But Jesus never said, “I came to give you more to do.”
It was, “I came to give them life, and that they might have it abundantly” (paraphrased from John 10:10b).
When Jesus offers
that life to people, they beg him for it (John 4:15, 6:34).
People ripped the roofs
off of houses to get to Jesus (Mark 2:1-4).
If we knew what was
really available, we’d sell everything we have to get it (Matthew 13:44) – and
it would be worth it a hundred times over (Mark 10:29-30).
Jesus also said that “you shall know them by their fruits” (Matthew
7:16), and that there is a thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John
10:10a).
So if something about our “Christian” religion doesn’t bring
abundant life, then it’s not the way that Jesus would have us live.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.
If there’s one thing that I’ve realized (at least on a
head-level; my heart is still absorbing it), it’s that our relationships are the most important thing about us.
How we relate to others is the greatest determining factor of
our spiritual maturity – even more-so than spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians
13:1-3).
The last 3 levels of our relationship with God deal with
precisely that – a living, breathing relationship
where there is intimacy and the bond of closeness that supersedes the
give-and-take of reaping and sowing, or blessing and cursing – that tit-for-tat
scorekeeping that people who are in a business relationship maintain because
they are in it primarily for what they can get out of it.
But God is not a spiritual vending machine; if you ask for
it with the wrong motives, he won’t give it to you (James 4:1-3).
Did the workers who were hired at Happy Hour (5pm) receive
the wages properly due to them (Matthew 20:6-9)?
No, because his grace was sufficient for them (2
Corinthians 12:9).
Those who are concerned with accomplishing much in this
world for God sometimes forget that the most important thing is to simply know him (Jeremiah 9:23-24, Matthew
7:21-23, John 17:3).
Sometimes he tells them, “Today, I’m all you get.” (John
6:28-29)
As Thomas
Keating put it, “We should relate less and less in terms of reward and
punishment, and more and more on the basis of the gratuity – or the play – of divine love.”
Friends who know each other deeply aren’t concerned with score-keeping...
Why not?
Because the value of
the relationship supersedes any material things that have been exchanged
between them.
This is where the value of the upper levels of our
relationship with God come from:
Children relating to a Father (John 1:12)
Friends relating to friends (John 15:15)
A wife relating to her Husband (Ephesians
5:25-27, 31-32)
What really struck me about the book that I read – Wild at
Heart – is that there is a profound importance on the father-son (or
father-daughter) relationship.
I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your
earthly father, but there is a relationship that is even more important than that one, and it’s that of your Father
in heaven who desires to mentor you in order to raise you up to be your own man (or woman) of God after the
desires he specifically set in your
heart.
A lot of church people interpret Proverbs 22:6 –
Train up a child in
the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
But that goes back to the “slave” mentality and doesn’t take
into account all the nuances and eccentricities that make each boy and girl
unique.
No, our heavenly Father knows that there are desires uniquely
placed in our heart and he encourages us – dares us, even! – to follow them, for
if you don’t, you deny inviting him into the very places in your heart that
make you the most unique, as well as
the opportunities for him to open up paths in your life that you would’ve never thought possible – unless he was
intimately involved in the process the whole way through.
If there is one thing I despise, it’s asexual religion: a belief system that fails – or refuses – to
acknowledge the differences in men and women, and to tailor their experiences
accordingly.
The yoke of asexual religion is a cruel one to bear, for it
does not acknowledge us at the most fundamental level of how God created us –
as men and women (Genesis 1:27).
Okay, so now I’m almost (an unbelievable) 1,900 words into this and
I’ve come to a point of wrapping it up.
Basically, there is more to Christianity than what most of
the church teaches. I’m not saying that what they teach is bad or false, but
like I mentioned earlier, there is a way of speaking of things that are true
that make them untrue (“fleshy borders of the mouth” versus “milk and honey are
under her tongue”)...
I once heard a good man ask, “How would Jesus address ____
in a way that would bring life
instead of just rightness?”
That, my friend, is an open-ended question, the answer to
which is dependent on the given topic.
There are ways to talk about things that make them untrue –
or, for that matter, unattractive or repulsive.
Our hearts seek truth
and life, and I hope that you have
found a little bit of each in these words – and that you find a lot more in the
relationship with your heavenly Father that I hope this has encouraged you to
pursue.
I hope you read your bible with a hungry heart, that you
devour it as I did, and that it irrevocably
changes you for the better – as God intended, from the inside, out.
Either way, I would enjoy the opportunity to discuss
anything you’ve read in here, whether you love it or hate it – and no judgment
on my part either way.
