So for anyone who doesn’t know, I made a bet with one of my science classes one year that if 70% of the students in the class scored a 70% or better on their end-of-the-year test, then I would:
- grow out my hair for the rest of the school year (which would be something like 5-6 weeks and a big deal for me since I tend to buzz it almost every other week), and
- dye it a color of their choice during the last week of school.
The icing on the cake was that one of the students suggested that I grow my facial hair out, too, so I did; I didn’t shave for over a month (the longest ever for me by far).
On the night after the last day of school, my hair had been dyed for about a week. Suddenly, no longer being bound by my agreement with my students, the prospect of having the freedom to cut my hair was upon me.
To be honest, I enjoyed it.
No, not the fifty billion times I’ve been asked, “Why is your hair blue?” (Unfortunately, it came out more of an indigo color.):
No, not that. Rather, it’s the act of having done something completely different with my (otherwise) unassuming appearance.
I know; I’m boring. Well, at least at first glance...
But one of the things that I like about my plain manner of dress is precisely that it’s not outwardly appealing. I mean, I’d be more likely to blend in with the crowd as opposed to stand out – that is, unless my freshly shaved head happens to catch someone’s eye. (Bald is beautiful! Haha, just kidding.)
And I like it that way.
First, it’s low maintenance. Throwing on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers – without having to worry about my hair – is incredibly pragmatic. The only thing more utilitarian would be to pull an Einstein and wear the same clothes every day (or at least identical sets of the same clothes lol).
Second, it’s plain. The fact that my appearance doesn’t really stand out allows what’s truly important about me to shine through: my heart, my mind, my personality, and my character. You know, all those intangible qualities that you can’t measure with a dollar sign because, like the MasterCard commercials reiterate all the time, they’re “priceless”:
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within... which is so precious to God. (1 Peter 3:3-4)
The above verse deals with jewelry and the outward appearances regarding styled hair, jewelry, and clothes, but it doesn’t say that those things, in-and-of-themselves, are wrong. It just means that those things won’t be good for winning the hearts of others (see 1 Peter 3:1).
CONNECTION vs. SHALLOWNESS, and APPRECIATION vs. DISMISSAL
Being in a school and working with kids also gives me an outsider’s perspective on how we treat each other when we’re younger – and, for a large part, this is based heavily on appearance.
Quick side note: some kids don’t grow out of this as they “grow up,” so this can go for adults as well:
Alright, I’ll just go ahead and put it out there:
Some kids are so unbelievably shallow that it’s disgusting.
I thought about saying “appalling” instead of “disgusting,” but I’d rather not mince words.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t go for all of them, because there are a lot great kids, too.
However, some don’t really care about anything beneath the surface, and your value in their eyes is largely determined by brand-name shirts and shoes, hemp necklaces, hats with stickers, mp3 players, cell phones, and how very much like them you happen to be. This occurs across socio-economic, gender, and racical lines.
Part of me wonders if it’s because they don’t have anything better to do...
But even the kids who are good fall into the “conformity trap” sometimes:
One of the things that I’ve realized – and, to be honest, it took some adults like this for me to realize it – is that people who are shallow enjoy life less.
Let me explain.
For the people who judge – and dismiss – each other based mainly on the exterior (or the trivial), they never get a chance to know someone for who they really are.
Okay, so someone doesn’t wear a particular brand of clothing, or they don’t wear it a certain way. Really, though, that’s “small potatoes” – or, more accurately, onions – because most people have multiple “layers” that they gradually unfold and let others into. As the depth of the friendship increases, so does the strength of the connection between the hearts of those involved, and the only way to discover the treasure of others’ hearts is to give it a shot and let them in:
Let me say something real quick here: Never, never, never underestimate the power of enjoying the “little things” with someone.
Those little things that, in your eyes, don’t really mean a whole lot, may be just enough for someone else to build a bridge between the two of you over which they feel comfortable enough to cross and open up to you:
Ken used to be the IT guy at the school where I teach. When he would come by to work on my computer, I would make a point to talk to him instead of doing something else while waiting for him to finish.
One day he came up to me and asked where I lived; it turns out that he needed a ride home. My commute is about 40 minutes, so it’s not a short distance, which means that providing a ride home for him would be a significant commitment.
Did I mention that he said he wasn’t leaving until 5pm? I had to be at work around 7, so that made it a 10-hour day for me.
I’d also be willing to bet that I was the first person he asked simply because I was intentional about making a connection with him.
Now, I’m not sharing the story to brag; in fact, I don’t really want to share it because I don’t want to seem like I’m toting how great I am (I’m not).
I’m sharing this because it’s a great example of what it looks like for someone to feel comfortable enough with you to “cross the bridge” and be vulnerable enough to ask for help.
ENJOYMENT
But if you don’t appreciate people for who they really are, it prevents you from enjoying all (or even some) that they may have to offer. And even if they don’t offer to unburden the depths of their soul to you, lots will still offer more than only the surface-layer stuff when they feel truly accepted and loved.
There’s nothing quite like having people who just get you in your life, who appreciate you for being you:
If you want a more grown-up version of this, just look at the theme song from Cheers:
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came (i.e., they appreciate you being there)
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name
In other words, people enjoy being valued for who they are, and they’ll naturally gravitate toward a person/group where they feel the most acceptance. I mean, why would you stay where you’re tolerated when you can go to where you’re celebrated?
So when I realized this about the adults I was hanging out with, instead of judging them for their unaccepting disposition (which, I will admit, not judging others is a work in progress for me), I felt sorry for them. Especially because they won’t be able to enjoy the full uniqueness of others because they see peculiarities as quirks/blemishes instead of the “good stuff” that makes each and every one of us unique:
I mean, even people who have the exact same personality are completely unique. I can say this for certain because I’ve met several sets of what I refer to as “personality twins” who have practically identical mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.:
- My high school psychology teacher was most certainly a character, and he was extraordinarily loved by his students because of it. However, the extroverted timeshare salesman who strongly reminded me of him just wasn’t quite the same because he was unique in his own right.
- The guy from a church I used to go to still had a separate identity for all the life experiences and quirks that made him him, even though he had the same personality and laugh as one of my college roommates who commissioned into the military.
- And the parent of a student who instantly reminded me of my brother-in-law in how he spoke and interacted with others, although similar, was, at the same time, completely different from him.
As a friend of mine – and this is someone that I used to tease all the time for being “high maintenance” – once said:
“Yes, but to love me is to love everything about me – even those things you see as my little quirks.”
To quote one of the girls in the youth group at my church:
Why do we try so hard to be perfect when the people who think we are perfect love us because we aren’t perfect? (Thanks, Monica!)
“People call these things ‘imperfections,’ but they’re not. Oh, that’s the good stuff.”
SO WHERE AM I GOING WITH ALL THIS?
When I thought about how I was now free to cut my hair as I wished, a thought – you could say it was a temptation – crossed my mind. It was something along the lines of...
If I cut my purple hair, then what will I have that will make me unique?
And for a second, I considered keeping it:
Don’t’ get me wrong, because cutting it was always a sure thing; it was just a matter of time (though a little longer than 0.68 seconds lol). This is mainly because I like how not having any hair feels and I wouldn’t (regularly) go to the trouble of coloring it like that.
For one thing, it’s a refusal to live by the appearances-are-the-most-important-thing mentality that so many people choose to embrace. And in that sense, I’ll “drive” myself, thank-you-very-much:
Esse Quam Videri, as the saying goes:
To be, rather than to appear.
But no, not just that. Anything that you make room for in your life has the potential to make a place for itself in your heart.
I remember a few years ago when, ironically, I had grown my hair out and actually maintained it at a length where I had to go get the first haircut I’d had in over a decade in order to keep it long enough to style.
During spring break, I went to visit my alma mater and scheduled a time to meet with the chaplain who had mentored me during college. During our conversation, he spontaneously placed his hands on my head to pray for me.
You know what the first thing that ran through my mind was?
“No, he didn’t just put his hands on my hair!”
And I knew right then that it had to go.
As Henry David Thoreau said,
Men have become 'tools' of their tools.
Or, to put it another way, “The things you ‘own’ end up ‘owning’ you”:
Don’t get me wrong: I’ll be the first to admit that I look better with hair – especially if it’s spiked a bit. However, I know that the true “gold” of me lies beneath the surface, not from whatever appearance I may or may not have at the moment, and this simply forces those around me to look deeper for what is truly important.
Which reminds me of a conversation I had with a cashier at Target:
I was standing in line behind a woman who was talking to the cashier while having her items rung up. During the conversation, the cashier mentioned that she had bought a pair of jeans that cost $135, and would spend almost $80 on only a few items of makeup.
Trying to speak something positive to her heart, I commented that “real beauty is on the inside,” which she (unfortunately) dismissed. She essentially said that, because she’s “anti-social,” she must present an outer beauty, “otherwise how will anyone know that I’m beautiful?”
You see, she wasn’t secure in the beauty that was in her heart, and so she felt compelled to present her “made up” outward beauty as a substitute.
It wasn’t enough for her to be beautiful simply for the sake of being beautiful as God created her; she felt compelled to go looking for validation of her (outer/false) beauty from others.
Politicians know that lots of people judge based on looks, which is why they focus so heavily on their appearance:
That saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? That’s because lots of people do judge books (and others) based primarily on their covers/appearance.
Am I saying it’s wrong to be beautiful/handsome on the outside? Absolutely not.
Is it acceptable to have a sharp manner of dress?
Absolutely.
Is it acceptable to have a sharp manner of dress?
Absolutely.
Just don’t become attached to it:
It's when those ravishing good looks (or style of clothing) are used as a substitute for who you were originally created to be, then they become false because they are not the truest thing about you – but more on that in Part 2...
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