"I’m fine": It’s Not Okay to Not Be Okay

Is it ever okay
to not be okay?
Where perfection is expected
as if it was the only selection,
Continually faking smiles,
Hiding, all the while,
Who I am underneath,
Wondering when someone will See
that I’m not who I present myself to be.

Is it ever okay
to not be okay?
I would love to be fully known
instead of feeling all alone,
but ask me how I’m doing
and every time
I’ll casually respond with
“I am fine,”
Knowing that it’s a calculated reply,
a complete and utter lie.
But I still use it every day
because it’s not okay
to not be okay.

Who I am underneath
is the most important thing
about the face that I see
in the mirror looking back at me.
I wish it would reflect
something more than the circumspect;
hope, perhaps, or even love,
or something heavenly from above.
I acknowledge that God still works wonders,
but right now I’m still under
whatever it is I’m dealing with.

I would love to let you in
to help me bear this burden
but during service
we’re always hurrying,
Not allowing space
for each person’s face
to truly reveal
the man behind the curtain
that we’ve so carefully concealed
Because it’s not okay
to not be okay.

It’s not okay
to not be okay.
I’m sick of being another
stained glass masquerade.
Can’t you see
that it’s impossible for me
to go from victory to victory
When I’m the one to blame
for my troubles and my shame,
For the pain and the strife
that I have in my life
and deal with on a daily basis.

But when I look at everyone’s faces
I can’t let them see
that I’m not really free, because
it’s not okay
to not be okay.

When you tell me I did great
Can’t you see, a difference, it doesn’t make
Because the only type of connection
is casual communication;
There’s no deeper relations
because we only deal in faces
and not the deeper longings of the heart…

And so I will continue showing up
wondering when I will catch a break
and finally come across
the things for which my heart aches.
But in the meantime
when I encounter the parade,
Expect me to show up
as a stained glass masquerade,

Because it’s not okay
to not be okay.

Lonacy

The moon reminds us what it’s like to be lonely.

Yet the moon is never alone,
for it has the Light of the sun
     to keep it warm
in the cold emptiness of space.

But the moon also has its Idol,
for it revolves around the World.
This is why it has a Dark side
instead of being fully wrapped
     in the Arms of Light.

For if the moon revolved around the Sun,
then it would be complete;
for it would have the Companion it desires,
and all the warmth it ever needs.

* The title is pronounced “LONE-uh-see.”