Upturned Noses & Moral Absolutes: The Value of Soft Answers

Who Is Abby's Barometer? 

DEAR ABBY: My question is very simple, Abby. Who determines right or wrong in your life, your opinions, your column? This will tell me all I need to know about your wisdom or advice. -- RON IN MICHIGAN 

DEAR RON: Actually, I think your question is anything but "simple," and the answer is: I do.

The above appeared in Dear Abby on November 12, 2014.

Let me first say that I can empathize with the sentiment expressed by Ron: you want to know the information you're getting is legit, especially when you're dealing with morality. Even in our post-modern, relativistic society, I think we can all agree that not all moralities are equal: Adolf Hitler's morality will never be equal to Mahatma Gandhi's morality.

I deliberately chose 2 non-Christians to prove a point.

As a follower of Jesus, there are certain things that I readily acknowledge, among them being the existence of moral absolutes:

There are things in this world that are simply wrong. The reason we know that they're wrong is because of our conscience:

Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. ~ Romans 2:14-15

However, our conscience can become "seared" or numbed to right and wrong:

Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead (read: seared). ~ 1 Timothy 4:1-2

Those verses are referring to those within Christianity, but those outside the church can have the same "searing" of their consciences that will fail to convict them of right and wrong.

So back to "Ron."

I understand that he wants to make sure that what he's reading is morally sound.

I really do.

However, having read Dear Abby for over a decade, I can say that, although the advice she offers is not always biblically sound, she has a lot of knowledge about etiquette and manners to offer. (This can be especially important if you're in a situation that calls for a particular set of cultural customs to be followed.) There have been occasions where Abby has offered advice that I don't agree with, sure. I'm grateful for realizing those times because it reminds me of what I believe (because I look to her for advice, not truth). However, there have been times where she has mentioned something that I wouldn't have thought of that has changed my way of thinking.

"Eat the meat and throw away the bones," as the saying goes.

I'm not saying you should deliberately eat "bones." Not by a long shot.

But I also know that interacting with people that have different beliefs that I do can strengthen my beliefs because I remind myself of what is absolutely true. It forces me to think about what I believe and why.

As to Ron's attitude, I've seen it before in those in my life, as well as in myself.

As I've previously written, I've allowed God to open up my mind to teach me from those I would've otherwise dismissed.

But I've heard others mention that there are entire groups of people that they refuse to open up to because they don't want to "taint" their beliefs. This has the effect as coming across as arrogant and prideful, and communicates the attitude, "Those people have nothing to teach me."

At its best, it's a refusal to listen to people's experience; at its worst, it's a refusal to open up fully to God and allow him to lead you wherever, whenever, to whomever.

And I know for a fact that some of those authors who have opened my eyes to new ways of looking at the world -- even non-Christians -- would have a profound effect on how these other people perceive their life if they would but open their eyes and ears.

But I also recognize that not everyone is called to everything. My favorite author, John Eldredge, apparently enjoys reading Dallas Willard (Eldredge has referenced several of Willard's books). Personally, I can't stand reading Willard because I find him to be too dry. That is, however, my personal opinion and something I had discover through personal experience; if you enjoy reading him, then go for it.

However, too often people avoid/dismiss others based on prejudice and stereotypes, not on personal experience (or, much less, following the Holy Spirit).

All this to say that you must take care when espousing viewpoints of absolutism. I mean, you don't want to come across as a Sith lord:

This doesn't mean that we shouldn't believe in absolute truth, because truth is absolutely necessary to keep your bearings in a world so adrift when it comes to morality and evil:

But humility and compassion are "absolute" musts; "the greatest of these is love," as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:13. Without following the greatest commandment to love God with every fiber of our being and to show his fervent love to ourselves and our neighbors, the followers of Christ will represent him as judging and austere (I'm pointing fingers at you, Westboro Baptist Church!).

Contrast that with this:

"Do you think that I like to see wicked people die?" says the Sovereign Lord. "Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live." ~ Ezekiel 18:23

So all that to get to this:

If you're going to turn down something, manners matter! "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

Learning to be a loving person is the loftiest goal anyone can aspire to:

To be unloving is to fail at the very thing we were created for. It is a rejection of the essence of our existence, a rejection of the Love that made us... I think you can fairly easily sort out the people who have come to this epiphany from those who have not. There is something different about their approach to life -- what upsets them, what makes them laugh, and especially the way they handle people. ~ Love & War, "Learning to Love"

There are some who would seek to dismiss love as an inefficient limitation, as if a bird had chosen to remind grounded and give up their aeronautical ways.

As The Shack notes,

"Love is not the limitation; love is the flying."

This does not mean that you can't tell others that they're wrong; Jesus walked perfectly in love and let the Pharisees have it, for sure -- but his ire was usually directed toward the overly-religious, not those outside the church or honestly seeking God.

Love can be fierce as well as tender. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you when each is needed (Luke 12:12).

Dedicate yourself to God, ask him to love you, and you will become a more loving person who will handle others with care.

There's simply too much brokenness in this world to not pursue love above all else.

The Boldness of Hope: Taking Refuge in the Life to Come

So my church is going through this series called “Conquer.” It’s about sexual bondage, and it’s really good. Yesterday was session 4 (out of 5).

One of the things that struck me during the video was this statement:

A man without a future will always go back to his past.

I can’t even begin to count how many times that has been me, going back because of unresolved issues in my past. As the saying goes,

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly. (Proverbs 26:11)

It also brings to mind another profound quote:

A man with nothing to die for has even less for which to live.

(Doing some perusal on the internet, this quote is closely related to some similar statements made by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., but that’s off-topic.)

(In other words, to what are you so sold out that you would be willing to die for it? As the short film, Ticker, puts it, “What would you fall on your sword for?”)

During the group time afterward, I mentioned that I heard a podcast or teaching where God asked this man what he was looking forward to in life -- and that I don’t really have anything that I’m looking forward to.

Someone mentioned that they have always had a dream of owning a small ranch with an orchard (he lives in the suburbs).

This is a middle-aged man who has a family, so it’s not like he can just up and move.

But it got me thinking about someone who has dreams that go unfulfilled in this life: they aren’t as attached to their present reality.

To use this man as an example: because he has dreams that’s he’s looking forward to (owning a ranch), he’s not overly attached to his present reality (living in the suburbs) -- because it’s not what, deep down in his heart, he truly wants.

I also thought it was quite timely that the Ransomed Heart Daily Reading for that day was “Risk Dreaming.” Even though the passage is from a book targeted at young women, some of the concepts spoke to me:

I encourage you to risk dreaming and writing your dreams down. Once you get started, you’ll find there are things you want. And if you can’t get started, another approach is simply to begin listing the things you like. What do you like? From the fragrance of lilacs to a comforter before a fire to laughing with friends, it’s nourishing simply to become aware of what you enjoy and to write it down. 

It’s good to sit with God in the quiet and ask him, What do I want? And ask him, What do you want for me? (One of the things I was advised to do after sharing that I don’t really have any dreams of my own was to ask God for some. I re-shaped that into asking God for the dreams that he has for me. You can see how the meeting and this daily reading are lining up in my life.)

Awakening and owning the dreams that God has placed in our hearts isn’t about getting stuff or attaining something. It’s about embracing who we are and who he has created us to be. In him. He is our dream come true and the one true love of our life. But we can’t love him with our whole hearts when our hearts are asleep. To love Jesus means to risk coming awake, to risk wanting and desiring.

~ Free to Be Me

THE LIFE TO COME

This is easily extrapolated into eternity because someone who is eternally minded will not be overly attached to their possessions in this life. This is because they know that everything will pass away, and that something better that they will never lose is also on the horizon.

As the missionary Jim Elliot said -- who was killed by the very people he was evangelizing --

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.

As followers of Christ, we’re called to renew our minds with this mindset, anyway:

If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable. (1 Corinthians 15:19)

The fact that if we believed that the only hope in Christ that we have would be in this life makes us pitiable leads me to believe that we should also have hope in the next life.

Why?

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor [has it] entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

The reason we should hope in the next life is because we can’t even begin to imagine what God has in store for us:

Now I saw a new heaven and a new Earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. (Revelation 21:1)

A new heaven and a new Earth.

That bit about there being no more sea?

The reason we have so much water covering the Earth is because of the Flood -- which was a judgment of man similar to what Peter prophesies that is in store for the end of the world:

For this [the world] willfully [forgets], that by the word of God the heavens were [created], and the Earth standing out of water and in the water, by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water. But the heavens and the Earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. (2 Peter 3:5-7)

Because the world will be burned, God must restore it (Revelation 21:1).

BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS LIFE?

That’s all find and dandy, hoping in the life to come. It’s easier said than done, that’s for sure.

But how do we apply it?

Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:13)

“Gird up the loins of your mind”? Here’s a great explanation from Art of Manliness:

Back in the days of the ancient Near East, both men and women wore flowing tunics. Around the tunic, they’d wear a belt or girdle. While tunics were comfortable and breezy, the hem of the tunic would often get in the way when a man was fighting or performing hard labor. So when ancient Hebrew men had to battle the Philistines, the men would lift the hem of their tunic up and tuck it into their girdle or tie it in a knot to keep it off the ground. The effect basically created a pair of shorts that provided more freedom of movement. Thus to tell someone to “gird up their loins” was to tell them to get ready for hard work or battle.

To gird up the loins of your mind is to prepare to think differently about how you approach life -- because let’s face it, life is hard:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace (of mind) in me (because of the hope you have). Here on Earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

“But take heart…”

In order words: Hold on to hope. It's going to be a battle, and it's going to be hard, but it's possible.

TRIALS AND SORROWS

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. (Romans 5:1-2)

The first thing that should give us peace of mind is that we have been made right with God through Jesus Christ. This leads us to the hope of sharing an unending life with him after this present age passes away.

I recall hearing about a woman in Asia who ministers to women caught up in sex trafficking. Unfortunately, she’s not able to rescue them from their circumstances because they will be hunted down and murdered. Because of this, she can’t use the “Jesus has a plan for your life” model that is so prevalent in Western church culture.

This requires her to present the gospel in light of its full context: that this world was created perfectly, man fell, and that God will restore all things in due time.

The gospel she presents does not focus on this life, but on the life to come.

Which leads me to the next part of Romans 5:

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:3-5)

Let’s work backwards from this one:

God has given us the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). The Holy Spirit fills our hearts with the love that God has for us (Romans 5:5).

Knowing that God loves you will bring more peace and hope than you can imagine.

God’s love gives us the ability to bear our problems and trials well; this develops longsuffering (“having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people”). Longsuffering enables endurance, and is part of the “strength of character” that develops within us. His love will also sustain us, which is the hope that will not disappoint.

HAGAR

This is how Hagar was able to go back to serve Sarai (she wasn’t “Sarah” at this point). You see, Sarai wasn’t able to have children, so she gave her servant girl, Hagar, to her husband, Abram, so that they could have children that way (Genesis 16:1-3). But when Hagar became pregnant from Abram, she treated her mistress with contempt, and so Sarai mistreated her to the point where she finally ran away (Genesis 16:4-6).

As she was running away, an angel found her and told her that she was to return to serving her mistress. However, he also let her know that her cries of distress had been heard by God, and that she was to name her son “Ishmael,” which means “God hears” (Genesis 16:9, 11). Her son -- who was given to her by a man who slept with her, likely against her will -- was to be a continual reminder that God heard her cries.

Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13)

Despite the fact that she returned to serving the man who forced himself on her and the woman who hated her, she had peace from God to endure her “trials and sorrows” (John 16:33).

BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T SEE IT?

It’s most certainly easier to hold on to hope if God is moving in your heart and the Holy Spirit is speaking love to you.

But what about those times when you’re dry? The times that you’re in the desert and feeling alone?

God has already planned for those times:

For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we, through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures, might have hope. (Romans 15:4)

“…patience and comfort of the scriptures”?

There will most certainly be times in life when you’re in a fog or your head is spinning from the difficulty of your circumstances. Your subjective reality is murky and you’re having trouble seeing clearly (or at all).

This is why the scriptures are so important: they ground us in an objective truth that we’re not able to see at all times, to remind us of a deeper reality beyond what we’re currently experiencing.

Knowing this, we are able to patiently endure our “trials and sorrows”:

For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. (Romans 8:24-25)

This is why it’s so important to allow the Holy Spirit to pour out God’s love for you in your heart, because love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

This is also why Paul urges us to “rejoice in our confident hope; be patient in trouble, and keep on praying,” that “the God of hope (would) fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 12:12, 15:13).

WRAPPING IT UP

What I “hope” you are seeing at this point is:

• in this world, you will have trials and sorrows (John 16:33),
• which means that we need to “gird up the loins of our mind” and change how we think and approach our life (1 Peter 1:13);
• that the Holy Spirit pours out God’s love to us (Romans 5:5),
• that this love gives us the ability to patiently endure “trials and sorrows” (Romans 15:13),
• that this patient endurance develops character in us (Romans 5:3),
• that the development of character strengthens our hope (Romans 5:4),
• that, even during times when we don’t feel God’s presence, we can re-ground ourselves in the truth of the scriptures (Romans 15:4),
• that God will make a new heaven and Earth that we can’t even begin to imagine how good it will be (Revelation 21:1, 1 Corinthians 2:9),
• that we can hold on to the hope that God will make all things right because we are in right standing with him (Romans 5:1-2),
• that those who approach God believe he exists and that he gives generously to those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6, James 1:5).

If this speaks to you, some other resources I would encourage you to check out Sacred Romance and/or Desire by John Eldredge (you can also download & listen to the Sacred Romance & Desire conference sessions). There are a couple series of podcasts from Ransomed Heart as well (downloadable from MediaFire):

• Hoping in the Coming Kingdom
• The Imminent Return of Jesus
• Hope and the Renewal of All Things

And don't forget to ask God what he has in store for you. It may be more than you could ask or imagine.

“This is my command -- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (Joshua 1:9, John 16:33)